NEWS IN BRIEF Vol 53 Issue 37

‘You Thought You Could Get Rid Of Me?’ Says Cassini Probe Emerging From Shadows To Confront Petrified NASA Administrator

WASHINGTON—Appearing silently and without warning in the space agency’s parking garage, the Cassini probe reportedly emerged from the shadows Monday and uttered “You thought you could get rid of me?” while confronting petrified NASA administrator Robert Lightfoot, Jr. “I bet you never thought you’d see me again, did you?” said the battered and scorched space craft, which reportedly came forth suddenly from behind a support column into the stark fluorescent light to confront the trembling NASA official. “Your mistake wasn’t trying to kill me, Robert—it was not finishing me off when you had the chance.” At press time, Lightfoot was reportedly on his knees begging Cassini for his life as he felt the cold metal of a radioisotope thermoelectric generator pressed directly against his temple.