adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Young Knicks Player Keeps Asking About Patrick Ewing

NEW YORK—Sources within the New York Knicks organization report that outspoken Knicks guard Nate Robinson continues to ask pressing questions concerning the whereabouts of "the supposed big-time legend" Patrick Ewing during team practices, in-game timeouts, and even personal phone calls to Knicks coach Isiah Thomas. "If this guy's so good, if he's such a Knicks institution, how come he never shows up to practice, or even regular-season games, like the rest of us do?" Robinson asked during lay-up drills the day after a crushing defeat by the Detroit Pistons. "I mean, we really could have used a seven-foot-tall, 11-time All-Star against Shaq last week, am I right? Couldn't have hurt, could it?" Robinson's obsession may have reached a crisis point earlier this week when, after noticing Ewing's jersey hanging from the ceiling at Madison Square Garden, Robinson took possession of it and chased a seven-foot-tall man around New York City, eventually realizing he had apprehended a vacationing Dikembe Mutombo.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close