Young Olympic Hopeful Realizes Dream of Killing Father

In This Section

Vol 29 Issue 24

Ask a Slaughterhouse Killing Floor Worker

Dear Slaughterhouse Killing Floor Worker: My wife and I recently moved from Florida to Minnesota, where I was offered a much better job. Problem is, she hates everything about Minnesota. Am I being cruel or is she just being stubborn? —Stump...

Local Merchant 'Sane Freddie' Driven Out of Business

SCHAUMBURG, IL—A era in discount merchandising came to an end Sunday, when the last of the famed Sane Freddie’s electronics stores closed its doors, a victim of what one industry analyst termed “the trend toward psychosis in American retail.”

Pet Eligibles

Maggie, a six-year old Australian Shepherd mix, has an unbelievable tongue that's eager to lick gravy off anything; maybe even you! Loves kids. Max, a three-year-old tabby, was given up recently by his owner. Perfect for medical experiments requiring animals with iron constitutions and high pain thresholds.

My Seed Is Pure

For eight years I have been the leading supplier of hybrid seed corn in Winneshiek County, and the reason is clear: My seed is pure! I have come to assume my dominant position in this farm community due to the high quality and timely delivery of my seed. ...

Sports

Olympic mascot Izzy is at it again! When he's not appearing in corporate product placements, he's teaching kids worldwide that America has no cultural identity!
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Spring

Young Olympic Hopeful Realizes Dream of Killing Father

ATLANTA—U.S. Olympic gymnast Dominique Miller, 15, considered a favorite to bring home the gold in Atlanta, achieved her lifelong dream yesterday, killing her father/coach with a 12-gauge shotgun.

“I can’t believe I’ve actually done it,” said an exuberant, beaming Miller, holding several giant bouquets of flowers given to her by fans. “This is really a lifelong dream come true—it’s the greatest high a young athlete could ever experience.”

Miller, who had been training with her father, Karl Miller, for the Olympics since age three, realized the longtime dream shortly after finishing second in yesterday’s Olympic qualifying round, shooting him in the chest before hundreds of onlookers.

Miller said she had a good feeling about the shot as soon as it left the shotgun. “I had his heart squarely lined up in the gun sight, and I got a real clean pull on the trigger,” she said. “The moment that blast went off and the gun kicked back, I knew I’d landed it perfect.”

One gymnastics judge who happened to witness the event also gave Miller high marks. “Dominique’s form was perfect—the bullet entered the body cleanly and stuck squarely in the middle of the chest cavity, right between the heart and the sternum,” said judge Marcy Conners of Canada. “That’s right where you want it.”

Added Conners: “I would give this murder a 10.”

For Miller, the slaying represented the culmination of years of hard work. “I’ve been practicing this routine for years,” Miller said. “Every morning at 6, I’d get up early and do an exact run-through, hiding the gun under my bed, sneaking it over to the arena under my coat, and pulling it out from under the table in the trainer’s room.”

Miller almost realized her dream at the ‘92 Barcelona Olympics, but a last-minute trigger-finger injury dashed her hopes. “I sprained it pretty bad the morning I was going to do it,” Miller said. “It was devastating—I thought I’d never be able to come back; I thought I’d be too old to try again in ’96. But I did it.”

Miller was arrested soon after yesterday’s slaying, charged with second-degree homicide. If found guilty, she could face 30 years in federal prison.

“I’m so excited, I’m not even thinking about prison right now,” said a detained but triumphant Miller, raising her handcuffed hands and waving to fans. “Right now I just want to enjoy this moment, enjoy what I’ve achieved. Maybe tomorrow I’ll think about the homicide charges, but right now, this is a time for celebration.”

When asked by one reporter what she will do next, now that she has killed her father, the gymnast replied: “I’m going to the Andrew B. Stevens Federal Courthouse Building!”

In addition to receiving letters from thousands of fans, Miller has received congratulatory messages from such celebrities as Brooke Shields, Macaulay Culkin and tennis stars Jennifer Capriati and Mary Pierce.

“Congratulations, Dominique!” read a note from Capriati. “I’m so proud of you for what you’ve accomplished. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing but never got the courage to do. You’re a real champion. P.S.—Will you kill my dad for me?”

Funeral services for Karl Miller are 3 p.m. today at First Presbyterian Church in Atlanta. Second-round Olympic gymnastics events are scheduled for 4 p.m.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More