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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Youngest Sibling In Family Kind Of Thought Mom Would Lose Steam By Now

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Saying that she still strictly enforces household rules and closely monitors where he goes with friends, high school junior and youngest of three siblings Rob Shearer told reporters this week that he had kind of assumed his mother, Anne Shearer, 51, would have lost some steam by now. “I guess I just thought that after more than 20 years of parenting she’d be kind of beaten down, but she still makes me check in with her any time I go anywhere,” said Shearer, noting that he had been counting on the cumulative exhaustion of raising two kids before him to drain his mother of the willpower to impose curfews, levy punishments for poor grades, and follow through on things she had asked him to do. “My older brother alone should have completely wore her out with all the stuff he did in high school, let alone my sister. But somehow Mom still has enough left in the tank to demand that I earn my car and TV privileges instead of just letting me do whatever I want. I can’t believe she has this kind of stamina.” Shearer noted that, on the positive side, his father, Craig Shearer, 59, was just as disengaged as ever.

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