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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Your Grandpa Insists Someone You've Never Heard Of Should Be In Hall Of Fame

SCRANTON, PA—Your grandfather, a retired tradesman in his 80s, continues to demand that a scrappy, tenacious bulldog of a player whom no one else has ever heard of should be admitted to one of the Halls of Fame. "He'd be out there at center every game, giving it his all, playing tough, and never giving up on the play, right up until he went off to the war," your grandpa said, narrowing the unknown player's career down to 40 possible years and four possible sports. "That was before they had these new rules against tough play, too. He was all about fundamentals, playing hard every single minute, and putting in a hard day's work, either in the game or in the owner's factory during the off-season—something these spoiled millionaires today sure wouldn't understand." The only thing you are certain of concerning the player, whose name seems vaguely Italian or Polish on the occasions your grandpa mumbles it, is that he was white.

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