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50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Real Horoscope

Aries: (Mar. 21–Apr. 19) You’ll meet a handsome stranger at a wild party and make mad passionate love. Then you’ll be flattened by a stampede of oxen.

Taurus: (Apr. 20–May 20) Financial dealings look brighter now that you’ve cashed in that jar of pennies. Spend that $12 wisely.

Gemini: (May 21–June 21) The stars say you should get a pet because they are a great source of companionship and cheap meat.

Cancer: (June 22–July 22) Don’t be self-conscious about a little unwanted facial hair. Electrolysis can remove that, monkey boy.

Leo: (July 23–Aug. 22) A long rest is in order when you splinter both tibias and fibulas.

Virgo: (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) A large sum of cash in a pink envelope will arrive in your mailbox today. Use it to purchase thirty cases of Sizzlean.

Libra: (Sept. 23–Oct. 23) A tour of a peanut factory ends in tragedy when you are accidentally honey-roasted.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24–Nov. 21) With summer around the corner, it’s time to get in shape. Have your beefy mid-section excised by a plastic surgeon.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Improve your performance at the office. Slaughter your co-workers to eliminate competition.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) You’ll save thousands of dollars in food bills when you become a plant. Stock up on fresh soil.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) Now that the kids are all grown-up, it’s time for you and your spouse to rekindle old flames. Get that much-delayed divorce.

Pisces: (Feb. 19–Mar. 20) You’ll make a mint with your revolutionary sexual aid—a synthetic foreskin.

Ms. Wyner-Io has just entered the computer age. Your Real Horoscope can be purchased on computer punch card or home video game cartridge (available for Intellivision only) at any Mr. Steak outlet.

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