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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Your Republican Friend To Explain Why Paul Ryan Is Great Choice

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed that in response to Mitt Romney's announcement of Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate, your Republican friend will soon explain to you that while the Wisconsin representative may appear to be a risky pick, he actually brings more to the ticket than you'd think. "If you stop for a second to consider his experience defending his "Path to Prosperity" budget in Congress, the fact that he hails from a swing state, and his keen political instincts, Paul Ryan makes perfect sense," your Republican friend will reportedly tell you this week, making sure to reference his earlier Facebook post observing that Ryan's latest Medicare proposal is co-sponsored by a Senate Democrat. "Combine that with his youthful energy and record of demolishing every opponent he's ever faced, and you’ve got a pretty strong ticket." The detailed explanation is expected to be a marked departure from 2008, when, following the selection of Sarah Palin, your Republican friend remained completely silent.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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