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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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‘You’re My Best Friend,’ Says Obama To Drone That Appears Outside Bedroom Window Every Night

WASHINGTON—White House sources confirmed that after hearing a gentle tap on his window Thursday evening, President Barack Obama stepped out onto the Truman balcony to meet with the predator drone that appears outside his bedroom every night at 9 p.m. “Ah, there you are, old friend; almost thought you weren’t coming tonight,” the President reportedly said to the unmanned aerial vehicle before affectionately patting its antenna dome, telling the drone that it was “truly good” to see it, and asking about who it killed that day. “You’re the only one that gets me, the only one I trust. It’s just you and me from here on out, old pal. You’re my best friend in the whole world.” After leaning in, sharing a private joke with the remotely controlled vehicle, and laughing heartily, sources confirmed that the president said “Go get ’em!” and quietly watched the drone fly off into the night sky.

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