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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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YouTube Reaches 1 Trillion Racist Comments

SAN BRUNO, CA—The Silicon Valley headquarters of YouTube reportedly erupted in cheers shortly after 10 a.m. local time Thursday as the popular video-sharing service celebrated the 1 trillionth racist comment posted to its website. “When we created YouTube back in 2005, we knew it had the potential to revolutionize the way people make highly offensive and insensitive remarks based purely on a stranger’s racial or ethnic characteristics, but we never dreamed we would make it to 1 trillion of these repugnant comments,” said CEO Salar Kamangar, noting that the milestone comment “ching chong,” posted by user StinkFingaz below a video of a Japanese man painting, would be commemorated on a large bronze plaque in the company’s offices. “It’s hard to even comprehend how many completely ignorant comments 1 trillion is. We’re truly humbled by our dedicated and extremely uneducated users who make such vile and imperceptive statements each and every day. Thank you, everyone.” Kamangar confirmed that reaching the milestone had reinforced the company’s commitment to expanding its servers later this year, which will allow the site to handle up to 1 million “fucking faggot” comments every second.

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