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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Zales Introduces New Line Of Casual Dating Diamond Rings

IRVING, TX—In a move aimed at reaching the millions of Americans just having a little fun for now, jewelry retailer Zales announced Thursday that it has expanded its product line to include a brand-new collection of diamond casual dating rings. “When you’ve gotten drinks with someone a few times over the past couple of months, the surprise gift of a 2-karat princess-cut diamond in a white gold setting is a beautiful way to show that person you’re ready to continue meeting up for sex without any emotional complications for the time being,” Zales spokesperson Stephanie Hewitt said of the new rings, which range in price from just under $1,000 to $30,000 and are designed to symbolize “the special way you feel when you’re not ready to use labels like ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ and possibly never will be.” “You can customize the engraving on your ring or use one of our pre-written sentiments such as ‘This has been great’ and ‘Thanks for keeping things chill.’ And since you’ve almost certainly agreed to not be exclusive, we even have discounted packages of up to 12 rings that you can hand out to multiple intimate partners.” At press time, Zales confirmed it would soon be unveiling a one-night stand diamond ring specially crafted to be left on the kitchen table as you quietly let yourself out the next morning.

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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

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