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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Zapp Institute Adjusts Bounce/Ounce Ratio

LOS ANGELES—Alarmed by the sharp decline in overall U.S. rump-shaking levels in the past 12 months, Zapp Institute director Dr. Roger Troutman announced Monday that the federal bounce/ounce ratio will be raised to four-to-one effective March 1. "The American people can not adequately get down if they do not receive more bounce to the ounce," Troutman said. "Hopefully, by increasing per capita BPOs, or bounces-per-ounce, to four-to-one, the Zapp Institute will help Americans to once again get their groove on."

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