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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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Zoologists: Ape Neurology Much Like That Of Banana-Obsessed Humans

AUBURN, AL—According to a new study published Monday by zoologists at Auburn University, the neurological framework of an ape is in fact incredibly close to that of a human being who is obsessed with bananas. “Though their brain size and specific cerebral functions differ, apes share a striking and uncanny common neurological bond with humans who spend the vast majority of their waking life thinking about bananas,” said lead researcher Dr. Leonard Franklin, adding that the pleasure center in the frontal cortex of both a banana-obsessed human and an ape light up almost identically at the mere sight of even a picture of a ripe, yellow banana. “While we had always guessed that there was a strong similarity in the brain activity of the average adult ape and the average human being who maniacally covets bananas all day, every day, these results go far beyond our earlier assumptions. You can clearly see the stark similarities when you present either with an actual banana. In both cases, their pupils will swiftly dilate, they will emit an excited grunting sound, and they will wildly swat at the fruit in an attempt to grab and eat it. It’s extraordinary.” Franklin also speculated that humans share a close link with chimpanzees who are riddled with constant anxiety and depression.

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