-
  • LeBron James Only Person In Arena Chanting 'MVP'
  • Early Playoff Exit Provides Huge Relief To Grizzlies
  • New Jersey Devils Under Assumption They Were Invited To Brooklyn As Well
  • Ryan Tannehill Gets To Know Dolphins' Offense By Having Quaint Dinner With Playbook
  • Time Literally Catches Up to Jamie Moyer's Fastball
  • London Officials Confirm Entire Olympics Will Take Place In Pouring Rain

Sports News in Brief

34-Year-Old Man Wants To Be Professional Bowler When He Grows Up

March 15, 2007 | ISSUE 43•11

BRECKSVILLE, OH—Citing his ability to score over 100 points when he is "not even trying all that hard," Bernie Grout, 34, announced yesterday his dream of becoming a professional bowler when he grows up. "Ever since I was 27 and I got my first turkey, I fantasized about eventually pursuing this as a career," said Grout, adding that his love of bowling started when he and his father used to go to the OK Alley to "throw the ol' [bowling] ball around" when he was 26. "Just imagine what I could do if I had my own ball and one of those gloves." Grout plans on patiently working hard over the course of the next decade to lose some muscle mass, grow a solid moustache, and give up on all of his other dreams, so he can one day "compete on the professional level."

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

Follow The Onion

Sign Up For The Newsletter

Daily Weekly Video

Other Options: