BRESLAU, NE—Nearly four billion years of biological evolution failed to prevent local man Dale Haynes from accidentally drooling all over his pant leg while sitting in his cubicle Monday.

"This flaw in Mr. Haynes' control of basic motor functions, certainly uncorrected since the dawn of hominids and very possibly before, allowed a strand of spittle to emerge from the oral cavity without producing a single neural response," anthropologist Raymond Hull said. "Perhaps over the next 50 million years, humans will evolve a mechanism to prevent random discharges of saliva from hanging briefly from one's lower lip before pooling onto the crotch area of one's khakis, making it appear as though one has pissed oneself."

Hull noted, however, that Haynes did possess the evolutionary advancements necessary to untuck his shirt and cover the wet spot until it had dried.