Lance Armstrong is fending off accusations by former teammates that he doped himself during his cycling career. Of course, it’s hardly the first time suspicion has been leveled against him:

  • 1978: At age 7, Lance Armstrong leaves the local bike shop with his first bicycle and track mark
  • 1982: During a long, serious discussion with his parents, Armstrong admits to holding a marijuana pipe for a friend but says he doesn’t know where the 14 bottles of Dianabol came from
  • 1984: After winning his first triathlon, Armstrong celebrates by letting out several primal screams, ripping the trophy in half, and punching a hole through a nearby brick wall
  • 1992: Though Armstrong finishes his first Olympic race in 14th place, judges are skeptical as to how he was able to do it after pedaling just once
  • 1999-2005: Wins seven consecutive Tours de France by soundly beating hundreds of the world's top cyclists, every single one of whom has since tested positive for stupendous amounts of performance-enhancing drugs
  • 2007: LanceArmstrong.com accidentally posts an article about Lance Armstrong taking steroids
  • 2009: Armstrong's comeback clouded by accusations of career-long drug use, as well as the fine mist of EPO emitted from his sweat glands, ears, and tear ducts
  • 2011: Armstrong still beloved by the American public because the word "doping," not "steroids," is usually used in news stories, and they don't know what that is