Erythropoietin: This protein produces the type of red blood cells that make you good at hitting mid-range jump shots

Gatorade Sweat: The combination of amino acids with phenylalanine hydroxylase turns an athlete's sweat into the brightly colored beverage, allowing athletes to just lick their forearms or inner thighs when they need a boost of energy

The Disabled List: Though top medical scientists are unsure how this mysterious "list" works, whoever is placed upon it magically comes out healed of their injuries

Endorcin: Ingestion of these pills dramatically increases an athlete's stamina and endurance for endorsing products

Sit-Ups: This revolutionary exercise technique, developed in the mid-1980s, strengthens the abdominal muscles and promotes overall fitness and well-being

Scoposcopy: Minimally invasive surgery where a doctor inserts a scope to evaluate the progress of other scopes currently examining the body

Chewable Steroids: Provide the same amount of massive muscle bulk, but available in several delicious natural fruit flavors that even the fussiest athlete will enjoy

Ken Griffey Jr. Surgery: Doctors take a knife and cut away at a patient's hamstring for hours