WILMINGTON, NC—Following an exhaustive six-week search, federal and local authorities announced Monday that they have finally located a suitable replacement for abducted 3-year-old James Van Elst. "It took more than 500 man-hours to locate a child with the right eye and hair color, but we're very satisfied with the outcome of this case," said lead investigator Kevin Callahan, adding that the real Van Elst boy "was probably dead before we even knew he was missing." "To find, after all this time, a child who looks enough like James and is pretty much the same height—well, it's a miracle." James' parents said that while losing their son was a nightmarish experience they are thankful that whoever abducted their boy fed him so well that he gained about 20 pounds.
More News in Brief
Kate Middleton Suffering From Morning Sickness
LONDON—Just two months away from Kate Middleton’s speculated July due date, sources close to the Royal Family confirmed today the pregnant Duchess of ...
Local Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On Yelp
DES MOINES, IA—With complaints about everything from “raggedy prayer mats” to “the grimiest ablution fountain ever,” local Muslims have slammed the al-Wali Mosque on ...
Father Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System
WEST HAVEN, CT—Following Microsoft’s official unveiling of their latest video game console Tuesday, 41-year-old father of two Richard Shearer excitedly told his son ...



0

