WASHINGTON—Spurred into action by the surge of Super PAC donations ahead of November's general election, the American people this week collectively managed to raise $945.23 to offset the influence of corporate spending on politics. "Today we take a stand against big money's stranglehold on the U.S. electoral system and give a voice back to the voters," said spokesman Danny Bader, an unemployed carpenter who scraped together $1.10 as part of the effort to counteract the unlimited number of undisclosed independent expenditures corporations are legally allowed to make. "With these funds, we will print some pamphlets and hopefully get a website up, and we will send a clear message that billions in shadowy spending will not buy this election." At press time, the American people were struggling to raise an additional $65 for another dozen T-shirts.
More News in Brief
Grown Adult Walks Right Into Karate Studio
CAPE CORAL, FL—Marcus Webster, a full-grown adult with a job, responsibilities, and who stopped being 10 years old over 25 years ago, was observed ...
Woman Apparently Wants To Smell Edible
SAN FRANCISCO—Using such products as pineapple-scented shampoo and raspberry sorbet body wash, 28-year-old Stephanie Holden apparently likes to smell like she wants other people ...
Fans Of Green Screens, Incredibly Fake-Looking Things Express Love For Modern Cinema
NEW YORK—Self-proclaimed fans of artificially sleek movies that at no point appear as though they contain real human beings onscreen in real locations doing ...



61
