Anti-Bacterial Tips

With new anti-bacterial products hitting the stores every day, millions of Americans are waging a war on germs. Here are some ways you can reduce your risk of exposure to dangerous bacteria:

• Soak all toilet tissue in bleach before applying to anus
  
• Start up a neighborhood "germ-watch"
  
• Blow nose into vacuum-sealed cylinder for later disposal in heart of sun
  
• Add "just a touch" of Lysol® to morning coffee
  
• Study TV ads carefully for information on possible locations of hidden household germs
  
• Incinerate clothes after wearing
  
• Cover body with linoleum, wipe down four times daily with Formula 409® Anti-Bacterial Cleanser
  
• Move to germ-free gated community
  
• Soak babies in detergent when not in use
  
• Let germs know how bad they make you feel
  
• Swab all meat with surgical scrub before eating
  
• Boil everything: plates, silverware, drapes, sofa, CDs
  
• Use bleach to wipe down exposed surfaces of house guests
  
• Limit contact with carbon-based life