Your dad's knee is hurting again
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    April 12, 2013

    Police Blotter • Local • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 14, 2013
    • Facebook3
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus0

    Apr. 12—Sergeant Tom Flaherty is retiring after 30 years of faithfully serving and protecting the town’s white citizens and most of the Asians.

    Recent News

    Area Man Beginning To Think He Has Memorial Day OffReport: Texting While Driving Okay If You Look Up Every Couple Seconds3-Day Weekend Practically Already OverBiden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp ClaimGay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second ThingRestaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular MenuMan Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics

    Recent Videos

    Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

    Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice CommandsObama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

    • Music: MusicalWork Review: Kylesa: Ultraviolet

    • Video: A.V. Undercover 2013: Xenia Rubinos covers Talking Heads

    • Music: MusicalWork Review: The Pastels: Slow Summits

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

    • Best of Onion Sports: OSN Tackles Underreported Sports

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved