2ATHENS, GA—Local barista Benjamin Shields, 31, expressed both shock and remorse Monday when, during a routine perusal of his 2009 calendar, it suddenly occurred to him that he had never bothered to find out the date of President Barack Obama's birth. "Mostly, I'm just really embarrassed," Shields said. "The first black president in U.S. history, a person I myself voted for, and I don't even know what month he was born? God, I'd be mortified if he ever found out." Shields said he would console himself by making sure to purchase a card well in advance of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack's Dec. 12 birthday.
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...
