9BENTON, AR—According to sources, buttocks-themed periodical aficionado Lyle Breslin was surprised and dismayed when he discovered Friday the existence of a magazine about butts he had not previously encountered. "I'm shocked this one got past me," Breslin said as he thumbed through the full-color photographs of women's nude posteriors featured in an issue of Heavenly Can. "As someone who has every issue of Big Butt, Round Butt, Ass Passion, and Rump Fancy, and is a charter subscriber of the more literary Two Scoops Quarterly, there's no way they should have gotten to issue number six without me knowing, especially given the fact that they managed to steal away prominent editor Hersch Steinberg from Nice Pooper." After perusing the magazine for 15 minutes, Breslin dismissed the magazine as a third-tier knockoff of Booty Clap.
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