OAKLAND—Following their victory against the Texas Rangers last night, Oakland A's starting pitchers Greg Smith, Dana Eveland, and Justin Duchscherer made their way over to their favorite post-game hangout, The Strike Zone, where they sat in their usual booth and were greeted by the restaurant's owner/ventriloquist, a colorful character known to them only as Mack. "Just the usual Zone Burger for me, Mack," said Eveland just as the pitchers' popular cheerleading girlfriends Kristen, Jenny, and Liza arrived and took seats next to their respective boyfriends. "You know, I think we all learned something valuable from last night's game. Sure, wins are important, but there's nothing more important than being honest, staying off drugs, and hanging with your friends. Oh, and not throwing parties in the stadium when [A's owner] Mr. Wolf is out of town. Let's never make that mistake again!" The good times were interrupted when rival pitchers from the Los Angeles Angels stormed in, taunted the A's girlfriends, and loudly proclaimed that a victory in next week's big game was all but certain—unless the A's had some wacky scheme up their sleeves.