Ashcroft's Vague Warnings
0U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft has issued several vague warnings of "credible threats" of terrorism, urging Americans to stay on alert. What do you think?
“I applaud Ashcroft for his warnings. How else would I know when to be on alert for terrorist activity? Look—look how on-alert I am right now.”
Virginia Innes –
Teacher“I thought Ashcroft's most recent warning of possible terrorist attacks was calm and controlled enough, if you ignored the dark, spreading stain on the front of his trousers.”
Brent Cleveland –
Doctor“So Ashcroft didn't specifically mention anything about the Golden Gate Bridge, five pounds of weapons-grade plutonium, or next Thursday afternoon? Cool.”
Todd Booth –
Roofer“Does Ashcroft know something we don't? What is it? Never mind, I don't want to know. Wait, yes, I do—tell me! Tell me now! No, don't! No! Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb...”
Iris MacNaughton –
Graphic Designer“Gee, the things Ashcroft says seem reasonable enough when they scroll across the bottom of the screen during Friends.”
Henry Davidson –
Cashier“The whole damn country's been paranoid about terrorism ever since the whole damn country was devastated by terrorism.”
Christopher Adams –
Systems Analyst
