Though it became a destination after voting to legalize gambling in 1976, Atlantic City now faces competition from casinos in Delaware and Pennsylvania, and next year it may drop to third place in gambling revenue. Here's how the ailing city can boost tourism:

  • Build replicas of Las Vegas replicas
  • As always, some Pinkberrys, a flagship Niketown store, and some crazy-shaped things attached to the lampposts should do the job
  • Rebrand blackjack tables as "All-You-Can-Play" blackjack tables
  • Clean up water pollution to help restore natural population of mermaids
  • In every guest's room, shrimp cocktail on the pillow instead of a mint
  • Allow each visitor to pry up one plank of the boardwalk and keep whatever is underneath
  • Find things other than gambling to legalize, like a dangerous variation on tennis
  • Ladies like buying things; add places where that can happen