BERWYN, PA—Party guests braced themselves for the awkward leg of the house tour when they would silently pass the Clark family's bedrooms.

More News In Pennsylvania

• Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports

  ISSUE 36•39 | 11.01.00 | News

  ALLEGHENY CITY, PA—Martin Kramarczyk wouldn’t be surprised if the FBI came down and busted the school for some kind of kinky, perverted stuff. more»

  

• Self-Described Avid Reader Halfway Through Dragonriders Of Pern For Sixth Time

  ISSUE 36•23 | 06.21.00 | News in Brief

  ALLENTOWN, PA–"Serious bookworm" Angela Goodwin is reportedly halfway through her sixth reading of Anne McCaffrey's fantasy series The Dragonriders Of Pern. "I've read every book in Dragonriders at least three times," Goodwin said Monday. "I guess you could say it's just part of my love affair with the written word." Earlier this year, the "die-hard reader" also read 10 of Piers Anthony's Xanth novels in 15 days. more»

• Movie Works Out Exactly As Audience Hoped

  ISSUE 38•31 | 08.28.02 | News in Brief

  ALTOONA, PA—Moviegoers at Clearview Cinema's 9:30 p.m. showing of My Big Fat Greek Wedding expressed delight Saturday, when the romantic comedy worked out exactly as they had hoped. "It was heartwarming enough to see the two young lovers get married after all they'd been through," said Janet Garlin, exiting the multiplex. "But to see the bride reconcile her feelings toward her crazy family? That was like a special bonus." Garlin said she hadn't been this satisfied by a movie's ending since the last movie she saw. more»

• Personal Life A Total Waste Of Time

  ISSUE 40•33 | 08.18.04 | News in Brief

  ALTOONA, PA—Stockbroker Donald Guy, 38, announced Monday that his non-work life is "a complete waste of time." "I spent the weekend reading, watching movies, and visiting friends." Guy said. "I didn't get a damn thing done." He added that he might have gotten more accomplished Sunday had he not been burdened with the need to go swimming with his wife and children. more»

• Before He Knows What's Happening, Man Belongs To $uper $aver's Club

  ISSUE 39•27 | 07.16.03 | News

  ALTOONA, PA—Will Zimmerman stepped into a local supermarket Monday to purchase a pint of half-and-half, but before he could fully comprehend the situation, the 28-year-old repairman was a member of the Feltz Foods $uper $aver's Club. more»

  

• Overweight Man Repeatedly Introduced To Overweight Woman At Party

  ISSUE 35•23 | 06.16.99 | News in Brief

  ALTOONA, PA—Over the course of a five-hour party Saturday, 315-pound Gene Cooper was introduced to 288-pound Cynthia Lerman nine times. "Once or twice an hour, someone would come over to tell me that there's someone at the party they think I'd really like," Cooper said. According to partygoers, Lerman is a real sweet gal, and she and Cooper would probably find they have a lot in common. more»

• Visiting Gore Calls Pennsylvania 'A Hellhole'

  ISSUE 36•27 | 08.09.00 | News

  ALTOONA, PA–During a campaign stop at an Altoona paper mill Monday, presidential contender Al Gore launched into an unexpected 40-minute tirade against the "not-so-great state of Pennsylvania," calling it "the nation's armpit" and "a total hellhole." more»

  

• Second-Grade Teacher Overhyping Third Grade

  ISSUE 38•41 | 11.06.02 | News

  BERWICK, PA—April Niles, a second-grade teacher at Benjamin Franklin Elementary School, is constantly overhyping the third grade, warning her students that "expectations will be very different next year." more»

  

• Man Blames Hangover On Everything But How Much He Drank

  ISSUE 38•20 | 05.29.02 | News

  BETHEL PARK, PA—Speaking slowly and moving stiffly Tuesday, Pittsburgh-area resident Matt Van Duyne attributed his hangover to everything but the excessive amount of alcohol he'd consumed the previous night. more»

  

• Home-Brewing Phase Comes To Long-Overdue Conclusion

  ISSUE 38•09 | 03.13.02 | News in Brief

  BETHEL PARK, PA— Local resident Randy Paltz's two-year home-brewing phase finally came to its long-overdue conclusion Tuesday. "Thank God, it's over at last," said Andrea Longo, girlfriend of the 33-year-old beer aficionado. "Every few weeks, he'd make a big production about his latest 'Paltz's Signature Brew.' It all tasted the same—like really thick, shitty beer." Friend Tim Traschel also expressed relief, saying, "Now I can actually go to his house and bring some Michelob without getting a lecture about the low quality of hops in commercial beers." more»

• Hero Dog Fills Out Hospital Paperwork

  ISSUE 42•43 | 10.20.06 | News in Brief

  BRACKNEY, PA—Ginger, a four-year-old golden retriever, saved the life of her owner Megan Walsh, 37, Monday by quickly and efficiently filling... more»

• U.S. Consumer Confidence Down, Says Guy Trying To Sell Van

  ISSUE 38•43 | 11.20.02 | News

  BROCKWAY, PA—In more bad news for the U.S. economy, consumer confidence is down sharply this week, particularly among those in the market for a used 1994 Chevy Astro, van owner Dennis Schram reported Tuesday. more»

  

• Money Spent For Old Time's Sake

  ISSUE 46•17 | 04.30.10 | News in Brief

  BROCKWAY, PA—Harkening back to an abandoned custom that had long existed only in memory, 28-year-old unemployed graphic designer Leslie Gordon exchanged currency for physical goods at a local shopping establishment Friday. more»

• Small-Town Residents Come Together For Arby's Raising

  ISSUE 39•15 | 04.23.03 | News in Brief

  BUFORD, PA—Buford's 322 residents, as well as many citizens of surrounding towns, came together over the weekend for a good old-fashioned Arby's raising. "People came from as far away as Lancaster to pitch in," said local delivery-truck driver Jonathan Beckman, 44. "It was a real team effort: Me, Zachary Fordice, and Eli White poured the foundation while old Benjamin Wetzel built the prep-tables, and the womenfolk installed the booths' vinyl seat covers." Beckman said his wife Maryellen "can't wait" to whip up a fresh homemade batch of Arby's famous Horsey Sauce. more»

• New Mommy A Lot Prettier

  ISSUE 36•05 | 02.16.00 | News

  BUTLER, PA—According to Courtney and Brady Leuchter, their new mommy doesn't even make them turn off the Nintendo. more»

  

• Palin Unveils 9/11 Firefighter Cousin, Reformed Lesbian Niece, Naturalized Mexican Half Brother

  ISSUE 44•38 | 09.16.08 | News in Brief

  CARBONDALE, PA—Less than two weeks after introducing to the nation her developmentally disabled newborn and her 19-year-old son preparing... more»

• Area Throat-Clearer To Go See Movie

  ISSUE 45•06 | 02.04.09 | News in Brief

  CARBONDALE, PA—Local throat-clearer Leon Pollack, 32, confirmed with reporters Tuesday that he planned to see the 6:15 p.m. showing of the... more»

• Most Items At Garage Sale Haunted

  ISSUE 43•44 | 11.01.07 | News in Brief

  CARBONDALE, PA—According to area bargain hunters, the majority of the dusty, cobweb-covered items at local resident Kelly Moore's garage... more»

• Theory Of Intelligent School-Board Design Disproven

  ISSUE 41•52 | 12.28.05 | News in Brief

  DOVER, PA—The controversial "theory of intelligent school-board design," which holds that local school boards are "imbued by their creator with minds of irreducible complexity," was decisively disproven by the actions of the Dover School Board this week. more»

• Local Welder Suffering From Welder's Block

  ISSUE 36•07 | 03.01.00 | News in Brief

  EASTON, PA–Area welder Bruce Meacham admitted Monday that he is suffering from a severe case of welder's block. "I know what I want to do," Meacham said. "I need to get this supporting strut attached to the main body of this girder. But I keep running into a wall every time I sit down and try to actually weld." Meacham said he spent the better part of last Saturday putting on his goggles, starting up his acetylene torch, and then merely staring at the two pieces of metal for hours. "You've got to understand, welding is a creative act," Meacham said. "It's not the kind of thing where you can just punch the clock and do it from nine to five." more»

• Item Individually Wrapped For No Reason

  ISSUE 35•27 | 08.04.99 | News in Brief

  EASTON, PA—Crayola manufacturer Binney-Smith baffled consumers Monday when it released a new version of its popular 64-color box with each crayon individually packaged in a "Tru-Brite" cellophane wrapper. "Now your crayons will stay bright and colorful even longer," Binney-Smith president Arthur Wright said. "And they'll come out of their liners as fresh as the day they were made." The new boxes will also come with a convenient "Wrapper-Disposal Bag," into which the 64 wrappers may be discarded after removal of the crayons. more»

• Area Man Finally Works Up Courage To Sexually Harass Secretary

  ISSUE 42•35 | 08.25.06 | News

  EASTTOWN, PA—After seven years, vice president of finances Scott Winters finally found the "perfect gesture" to show his assistant how much she's always aroused him. more»

  

• Area Man Unsure What To Do With All The Extra Ketchup Packets

  ISSUE 37•08 | 03.07.01 | News

  ERIE, PA–After finishing his Big Bacon Classic Combo, area resident and Wendy's patron Don Turnbee, 38, expressed uncertainty Monday regarding what to do with all the extra ketchup packets. more»

  

• That Guy From That One Show Not Looking So Hot

  ISSUE 38•14 | 04.17.02 | News in Brief

  ERIE, PA— That guy who plays the main guy on that one show isn't looking so hot, sources close to the TV set reported Tuesday. "It looks like he gained, like, 40 pounds or something," said Erie resident Doug Knauss, watching the show. "He looks all puffed out and tired with those bags under his eyes." Knauss noted that the big movie the guy was in a couple years back completely tanked, so that might have done a real number on him. more»

• Food-Court Taco Bell Not As Good, Area Man Reports

  ISSUE 41•26 | 06.29.05 | News

  ERIE, PA—Fast-food consumer Don Turnbee announced Monday that the Taco Bell in the Millcreek Mall food court is "not as good" as regular, full-service Taco Bell restaurants. more»