ALBANY, GA—A local Bible study group led by 18-year-old Elna Parker has begun meeting more frequently and taking regular practice exams in preparation for the upcoming high-pressure Bible Aptitude Test. "The fact is, if you want to get into a good church these days, you have to do really well on your BATs," Parker told reporters Wednesday as she flipped through a heavily highlighted King James Bible. "My cousin didn't take them seriously, totally blew his Second Maccabees, and wound up in a Unitarian congregation." Parker went on to say that the math section was a breeze, since it was all threes, sevens, and 12's, but memorizing the 3,087 character names is where most people trip up.
More News in Brief
Father Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System
WEST HAVEN, CT—Following Microsoft’s official unveiling of their latest video game console Tuesday, 41-year-old father of two Richard Shearer excitedly told his son ...
2013 Year In Review Photo Essay Shaping Up To Be Quite Horrific
WASHINGTON—Citing a succession of tragedies that have darkened the majority of 2013, including the Boston Marathon bombing, the Bangladeshi garment building collapse, and yesterday ...
Man Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain
AMARILLO, TX—Frequently mentioning the fact that his hometown of Corpus Christi, TX also happens to be the birthplace of Whataburger, local 31-year-old Chad Derringer ...



0

