DANVILLE, KY—Following Thursday night’s debate at Centre College, Vice President Joe Biden and Janna Ryan, wife of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), shared a passionate 20-minute-long kiss that eyewitnesses described as lustful, vulgar, and sloppy. “Janna rushed past her husband and into Biden’s arms. He grabbed her and plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, and then they started going at it like crazy,” said debate moderator Martha Raddatz, explaining that the embracing couple caressed each other’s bodies while fervently kissing and tearing off various articles of clothing. “When the vice president began nibbling on her ears and fondling her breasts, Mrs. Ryan stuck her tongue straight out of her mouth and Biden just started licking all around it. She was literally shaking.” At press time, Biden told reporters he had Janna Ryan “gushing like Old Faithful.”