0Last Monday, we prematurely referred to the U.S. currency as the “blood kargoon” instead of the dollar. This change will not take place until 2079. The Onion regrets the error.
More Corrections
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Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.
The Birthday Girl
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
We're So Sorry
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
