ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—According to a survey of confidence men released Tuesday, limited economic growth in the United States has led to a severe decline in the number of chumps, marks, and suckers ripe for the picking on the boardwalk. "A stagnant economy like this, I can't get no one interested in the same old grift," local sharpie Johnny Three-Cards said between unsuccessful attempts to hustle passersby into a pigeon drop. "On a good day, I reel in two, maybe three, patsies, tops. I honestly ain't had a halfway decent swindle since that busload of rubes was up here from Nashville in June." The survey also suggested that unless the economy soon showed signs of generating the disposable income required to sustain their flimflams, the whole lot of 'em was going to pull up stakes and take it down to Florida, where the chumps are a dime a dozen.
More News in Brief
BREAKING: Lovers Lost In Fog
‘Isabelle!’
SEDGECREST GRANGE—According to reports currently emanating from the sullen gloom of Sedgecrest Grange, two young lovers, mere moments after their impetuous peregrination into the ...
Report: 79% Of Sincere Thoughts Played Off As Jokes
NEW HAVEN, CT—According to a groundbreaking new report from researchers at Yale University’s Center for Cultural Sociology, a full 79 percent of all ...
Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office
COLUMBUS, OH—Based on his recent activity on Facebook, local man Arthur Gibson, 29, is reportedly under the impression that libertarian icon and former presidential ...



18
