IRVING, TX—At a gala event last weekend, the Boy Scouts of America celebrated its century-long legacy of preparing young men for lifetimes devoid of friendships with their cool, respected peers. "For more than 100 years, scouting has successfully guided generations of boys on a path toward not really being able to relate to any of their high school classmates," chief scout executive Robert J. Mazzuca said. "The Boy Scouts of America instills the timeless values of character and self-reliance in our nation's youth, values which they will need as they struggle to fit into a mainstream society that thinks devoting so much time to getting merit badges is just a little weird." The festivities reportedly concluded with a celebratory dinner, after which participants silently made their way home and then stayed in for the rest of the night.