BP (BP)
0$42.51 (+$1.36) (+3.30%) Attendees of the oil company’s annual shareholder meeting applauded after CEO Bob Dudley announced he doesn’t give two shits about the environment and proceeded to strangle a pelican on stage.
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Heinz (HNZ)
$69.45 (-$3.04) (-4.19%) Shares plummeted because summer’s here and no more kids need vinegar to make science project volcanoes.
Random Number Generation Corp. (RNDM)
$36.35 (+$2.21) (+6.47%) Shares rose sharply after the generator produced a promising string of 3s and 5s.
Ford (F)
$15.13 (-$0.66) (-4.18%) A company announcement this afternoon that the 2014 Ford Explorer would feature only one cubic foot of trunk space ...
