34WATERTOWN, MA—Sources are now confirming that no news is currently breaking in the manhunt for Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar A. Tsarnaev. Multiple witnesses and law enforcement officials on the ground in Watertown, MA have informed reporters that there are not any urgent updates or late-breaking developments to the ongoing situation, and the situation remains largely unchanged. Media outlets are reporting that everything is exactly the same as it was since the last update. Readers are advised to keep checking theonion.com for any breaking updates that may occur.
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