ST. LOUIS—An educated gentleman of discerning tastes entered a reputable public house Tuesday, whereupon he reportedly purchased a Budweiser American Lager. "The crisp smoothness of this beer must come from its use of the choicest rice," said the gentleman, who after expertly swirling the bottle in his hand took note of an aroma that he presumed to be the legacy of many generations of brewmasters and their uncompromising adherence to a classic recipe of five all-natural ingredients. "And the distinct character of this lager is no doubt the product of its exclusive beechwood aging process. Truly, this be a king of beers." Following the consumption of his eighth bottle, the gentleman excused himself, made his way into the lavatory, and vomited into a urinal.