"If you somehow gather the mental wherewithal to collect 30 UPC labels and mail them to our promotions department, we'll send you an Old ...

"I'm rich and famous, and everyone wants to be me. That doesn't make me a bully. That just makes me better than most ...

"But don't you fret, America. If you ever feel like your government is getting too big or too intrusive, just give a little whistle ...