Career Highlights Of Phil Jackson

Thirteen-time NBA champion Phil Jackson, the man who most thoroughly embodies the idea of the basketball guru, is saying he’ll hang it up now that his Lakers have been eliminated from the playoffs. We look back on his life and career:

• 1945: Born in Deer Lodge, MT, where all kids could do for fun was wear suits and pace back and forth
• 1963: Birth of Michael Jordan
• 1975: While discussing plays during a timeout, Jackson decides he’d rather stay there on the sidelines than go back in and play
• 1990: Jackson first implements the triangle offense with his Bulls team, the triangle being comprised of three Bulls players staying the hell out of the way of Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen
• 1992: After winning back-to-back titles, Jackson comes up with the idea of doing it again the next year
• 2004: Has the pleasure of seeing Karl Malone and Gary Payton lose in the Finals
• 2004: After a long day of heated contract negotiations, goes home and fucks his boss's daughter repeatedly
• 2011: Jackson ascends to a higher plane of coaching in a bright flash of pure white energy