The Catholic Church has ruled that, contrary to previous church doctrine, unbaptized children do not spend time in limbo until the End of Days. Here are other doctrine decisions the church has made recently.

Lifted ban on having sex with the lights on and your eyes open

Swiffer® officially validated as a miracle

Accepted the Freemasons' softball league invitation

Acknowledged that the Spanish Inquisition probably could've been handled better

Celibacy for clergy now optional, but those who remain chaste eligible for fantastic monthly prizes

Size of collection plates increased

Habits may now be tie-dyed or carry the logo of a nun's favorite sports team

Reconsidered belief that there's an invisible, all-powerful man in the sky who created everything