Mariah Carey, Ben Affleck, and Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean are among the celebrities to check into rehab after recent breakdowns. What do you think?

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  Mariah Carey was hospitalized for 'exhaustion,' but everyone knows what that really means: a quart of cum in her stomach.

  Fred Burtt
  Cab Driver

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  The only thing keeping me sane through all of this is Kenny Loggins' repeated assurances that he's all right, and that nobody need worry about him.

  Pete Tippet
  File Clerk

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  When is one of these entertainers going to be eaten alive by rats? That's a story I'll read.

  Leonard McQuarrie
  Systems Analyst

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  I feel for them. They suffer so much. What? 'Celebrities'? I'm sorry, I thought you said 'victims of ethnic brutality in Macedonia.'

  Felicia Johnston
  Bank Teller

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  Oh, my God. Is Britney Spears okay? What about Martin Lawrence? Angelina Jolie? Jennifer Lopez? Jim Carrey? P. Diddy? Nicole Kidman? Wait! Come back! I must know!

  Angie Dykstra
  Student

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  Why is everybody raising a stink about these people now that they're finally entertaining?

  Ed Mollo
  Photographer