The College Board has announced that it is making extensive, fundamental changes to the SATs in order to better evaluate today’s high school students. Here are some of the upcoming revisions:

  • In order to reduce the emphasis on writing style over critical thinking, the test will replace traditional essay portion with new multiple-choice essay section
  • Prevents cheating by issuing each exam taker his own custom SAT with unique questions and answers
  • In response to accusations of cultural bias, all questions to now only refer to 13th-century Mongolia
  • After eight years with current scoring system, reverts back to old 0.5867-point scale with two separate 0.29335-point sections
  • Places mint on the first page of the booklet to welcome students to the test
  • Removes several questions about what the student is wearing
  • Reading comprehension section will test students on their ability to differentiate between the foolhardy Goofus and his more responsible brother, Gallant
  • Test will include at least one silly, fun question
  • Few more changes that won’t make a difference to considerable percentage of students who’ve gone their entire lives without proper educational resources
  • Eliminates stress by reminding test takers that whatever college they’re admitted to, they still won’t be able to get a job