An article in last week's edition of The Onion entitled "What To Do With All Those Fresh Cherries" neglected to mention putting one over each eye and making your friends call you Little Miss Mary Maraschino for a week. The Onion apologizes for the omission.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.