BRISTOL, CT—Following professional basketball player Jason Collins’ revelation that he is a homosexual, making him the first active player in a major American team sport to come out as gay, ESPN analyst Chris Berman reportedly loudly weighed in on the groundbreaking story Tuesday. “Ah!” screamed SportsCenter viewer David Nichols, putting his hands over his ruptured eardrums as Berman thunderously bellowed about Collins becoming the first openly gay NBA player. “What? Hello? Oh my God, I can’t hear my voice! I can’t hear my voice!” According to sources, Berman’s blaring rhetoric on Collins was the broadcaster’s most deafening since his 2009 discourse on whether Alex Rodriguez’s alleged steroid use would prevent him from entering the Hall of Fame blew out every single pane of glass on the Eastern Seaboard.