-
  • Indianapolis Colts Somehow Wind Up With Exact Same Coaching Staff
  • Most Clippers Fans Still Have No Idea Team Is Doing Well
  • Novak Djokovic Signs Endorsement Deal With Serbia's Top Brand Of Luxury Goats
  • Nation's Telephone Conversation Fans Thrilled By Long-Awaited Mayweather-Pacquiao Phone Call
  • Controversial GoDaddy.com Super Bowl Commercial To Feature Scantily Clad Woman Performing Late-Term Abortion
  • Brandon Marshall Proves What He’s Capable Of If Defenses Play At 50 Percent

Sports News in Brief

Chris Bosh Out For Season After Cutting Open Knee To See How It Works

March 10, 2010 | ISSUE 46•09

TORONTO—The Raptors medical staff announced Tuesday that Chris Bosh will miss the rest of the season after the inquisitive forward cut open his knee with a steak knife in an effort to look inside and see how the joint works. "There's a lot more stuff in there than I thought," said Bosh, who after finishing the surgery attempted to stop the bleeding by wrapping an entire roll of toilet paper around his knee. "It probably needs all those meaty-looking ropes so it can bend. And look in this pickle jar—I kind of had to use some pressure to get it started turning, but I had no idea that I could unscrew my kneecap. Pretty cool, huh?" While recovering from the significant ligament and cartilage damage, Bosh said he plans to undergo a procedure to detect early signs of colorectal cancer by shoving a digital camera up his ass.

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.