WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton publicly distanced himself from the office of president and all duties therein at a press conference Monday. "Fuck this president shit," Clinton said. "I ain't doin' this Chief Executive crap no more." Clinton then stormed out of the White House, heading to Mike's Place, a D.C.-area restaurant, where he ordered a plate of chili cheese fries and read the local want-ads. Clinton is the first U.S. President to resign from office in a profanity-laden rant.