There was a misprint in last week's coded message to schizophrenics. The third letter on the sixth line of the second page was supposed to be "s." The Onion regrets this error.
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.