BLOOMINGTON, IN—Citing various family emergencies, last-minute weddings, and impromptu hometown gatherings, the roommate of Indiana University freshman Lawrence Plotnick has had an excuse to go home every weekend this academic year, according to campus reports. “At first it was just run-of-the-mill stuff like wanting to go home to see a friend or a football game, but at this point he’s already headed back for nine birthday parties, three family reunions, and five fishing trips,” Plotnick said Tuesday of his fellow freshman, whom he has reportedly spoken with for no more than one cumulative hour since first meeting him in August. “And last weekend he went to his aunt and uncle’s anniversary. Do you really need to go home for something like that? Still, I feel sorry for a guy who’s had to attend funerals for three grandparents in the past month.” Sources said that while he had no pressing need to go home this coming weekend, Plotnick’s roommate had decided to make the trip anyway, explaining that it had been way too long since he’d seen his parents.