Recently, this paper advised owners of Columbia fleece jackets that such garments should only be air-dried. It has lately come to our attention that machine-drying on the tumble/low setting poses no real threat to fabric integrity, and is much faster. The Onion regrets the error.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.