WASHINGTON, DC–According to a report released Tuesday by the Pentagon, Communists rank last on a list of 238 threats to national security. "Communists may now safely be ignored," Secretary of Defense William Cohen said. "The Red Menace has been surpassed by militia groups, religious extremists, ecoterrorists, cybercriminals, Hollywood producers, and angry drivers." Other groups deemed more threatening than Communists include rap-metal bands (#96), escaped zoo animals (#202), and Belgians (#237).
More News in Brief
Terrorist Plot Foiled After Concert Security Taps Woman’s Purse
ANAHEIM, CA—Claiming that thousands of innocent lives had been saved, authorities announced today that a plot to bomb the Honda Center was successfully foiled ...
Two People Who Went To Same College Ruin Evening For Rest Of Group
CHICAGO—Sources reported that an entire night with several close friends and acquaintances was ruined Thursday when it was revealed that two of the attendees ...
Grown Adult Walks Right Into Karate Studio
CAPE CORAL, FL—Marcus Webster, a full-grown adult with a job, responsibilities, and who stopped being 10 years old over 25 years ago, was observed ...



1