SAN FRANCISCO—An area medical supply firm unveiled plans yesterday to waste both money and employees’ time via the internet. ”By entering ‘cyberspace,’ we can reduce worker productivity and increase expenses exorbitantly at the same time,” said Stanley Habert, CEO of Syrus Industries. The company has already seen results: “Employees waste up to 50 percent more time than before,” accountant Steve Piersall said. “All the more exciting is that this is costing us, in terms of modem purchases and web-server time, upwards of $80,000 per week.” Syrus may also go “on-line” with a “website.”
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...




1

