WASHINGTON, DC—According to a report released Monday, the cost of American freedom has soared from its previous 1779 high of bravery, sacrifice, fighting for what's right, and 25,071 human lives, up to a record bravery, sacrifice, fighting for what's right, 321,932 human lives, personal privacy, peace of mind, honor, liberty, comfort, and $14.2 billion. Even as it reaches unprecedented levels, most Americans have no choice but to pay for the intangible commodity.

"I suppose you need freedom," said Nancy Holstrom, who was forced to send her two eldest sons to Iraq last month to help defray rising freedom costs.

Government officials said they are committed to exploring all viable alternatives to freedom, including converting to a military dictatorship.