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    Crime & Crime Fighters

    Slideshow • Local • crime • ISSUE 45•37 • Sep 15, 2009
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    • Radioactive Yeast Infection Transforms Local Woman into Superpowered Crimefighter

      METROPOLIS—In a transformation that has baffled nuclear physicists and gynecologists alike, an area woman recently gained superhuman powers through an accidental radioactive yeast infection.
      1 of 10
    • ATF Agents Closing In On Nation's Most Notorious Cigarette Bummer

      WASHINGTON—
      2 of 10
    • Liberty City Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality

      LIBERTY CITY—"I was shot 14 times on my way to work today, including twice by police," said one Algonquin-area resident. "That is unacceptable."
      3 of 10
    • Vatican Unveils New Pope Signal

      4 of 10
    • McDonald's Drops 'Hammurderer' Character From Advertising

      OAK BROOK, IL—McDonald's announced it is discontinuing its new mascot, a homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.
      5 of 10
    • Crime Scene Used To Be Cool

      LOS ANGELES—Once people started showing up and the traffic cops fucked up the evidence, the once-cool alley was rendered totally lame.
      6 of 10
    • Stephen Hawking Builds Robotic Exoskeleton

      CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND—Stephen Hawking told reporters that he is faster, stronger, and better than before.
      7 of 10
    • 'Six Flags Killer' Still At Large, Say Souvenir-Bedecked Police

      GURNEE, IL—Police have been looking for clues at every ride, game, snack bar, gift shop, and photo-sticker booth.
      8 of 10
    • Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

      Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision.
      9 of 10
    • Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours

      WINNETKA, IL—The iPhone was found lying face down on the dashboard showing no signs of life, but after a tense few seconds, officers were able to wake it.
      10 of 10
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